We arrived in Vienna on December 20th. One of our friends succeeded to make us an appointment to a very well known oncologist. Unfortunately, the fame did not match the profile. We had a terrible experience there and we can`t blame it on the language barrier. All they were interested in was how much money I afford to spend in their clinic. They have treated us beneath all expectations when they found out that we were coming from Eastern Europe. For as much as I try now to understand what happened, as long is that I can`t find an explanation.
This doctor wanted to make his own opinion of my case so he sent me to a gynecologist to see me. I did not find this weird. What happened is that we have spent almost 1500 EUR for nothing... and no receipt. They promised me that they can do the surgery and preserve my ovaries in order for me to have children, but only if I pay them first 20000EUR.
Money were not important. Important was my health and the rest of my life. I was focusing on the end of the road as I used to call it...maybe that this is what kept me alive... this and the faith that God Has not forsaken me and after this cruel pain I`ll enjoy the true bliss of life.
I left Vienna with a bitter feeling, all the true joy was that I was able to visit the Christmas Fair and enjoy the colorful and beautiful town at a time like this. The time showed that this was the best decision ever.
All the way back home I had only one thought in mind. How do I do to stay healthy and, at the same time, to for fill my dream? I decided that the next step will be the preservation of an embryo, so I waited for the perfect time for this. I did not use any drugs or hormones. Everything was as natural as it could have been at that time. I was planning to preserve this embryo for the time when the doctors would have told me that I`m healthy and the danger is gone. Only than I would have decided to use a surrogate mother.
Because I have used no drugs the extraction of the egg was done without anesthetic. Before the procedure I was a little scared but the thought that this would bring me a child was much powerful, so I went through this pretty well. I`m not saying that I did not feel a thing, but the pain was bearable. I remember the nurse petting my head, me - singing so that I could ignore the pain, people`s faces... the happiness I felt when they told me that the entire process was a success. I felt so blessed.
But life is a roller-coaster and everything happens for a reason...my life is no exception from that. Three days after the procedure they told me that the embryo will not survive to the cryogenic procedure ...it must be perfect for this and it did not had the right properties. I was devastated. That was the moment I felt life is not worth living...but I was not ready to give in.
I am not a person that cries a lot, but that day I could not be stopped. I allowed myself to cry so much as I felt that I was exhausted. When I felt that I could not do it anymore... I decided to prolong my current status and give it another try. So I told my doctor, against any advice from him, that the treatment must wait for another month so that I could try again to be a mom. No one was happy with my decision, but I felt that if I won`t do this, I could not go on with my life...so, I was ready to party for the Years Eve and the chemotherapy would have to wait for another month. I was afraid that I would not survive, but I was even more afraid to survive without being a mother.
No comments:
Post a Comment